Fateh M. Sami






Honorable Ahmad Karzai, the Head of Masterminds in the country

Honorable Marshel Fahim, the First Mastermind in the country

Honourable Ustad Khalili, the Second Mastermind in the country



Western Democracy in Afghan Style


Written by:   Shamsulhaq Haqani

Translated in to English by:  Fateh Sami



Presidential Examinations Commission

Jan 2010,

 01                                       02


Undoubtedly democracy is an advanced social system, but even this system primarily overlooked the expertise of the above three masterminds. A democratic presidential election on the basis of majority voting contains certain deficiencies, which fail to rule the country judiciously. The majority vote’s count, as a sole criteria void of any deliberation for taking over a leadership role, is just an example of its inadequacies. This is because even if the elected president is a murderer, illiterate, incompetent, thug and corrupt person, if he has, by hook or by crook, manipulated to achieve the majority vote, then there will be no legal barrier which prevents him from becoming the president.

Political lawyers and sociologists in Afghanistan observed the inadequacy of the majority vote, as being a western model of democracy, and rectified it intelligently by replacing it with “presidential examination” to make it more compatible to the Afghan model of presidential election. In this election competency and proficiency which are determined as a result of an examination, are a major prerequisite for the highest positions. 

In the newly introduced “presidential election” model, hundreds of Afghan learned scholars, academicians, literary men, experts and professors from various fields of economics, law, philosophy, arts, theology, social empirical, natural sciences including people of wisdom with comprehensive insight on the world encyclopedias and almanacs participated to put their lifetime knowledge to test competitively. Consequently in a grand cloak (chapan) wearing ceremony, held in the presidential palace, the examination results were announced in the presence of hundreds of foreign and local guests.

Consequently, three men were announced as top scorers. The presidential winning teams, the highest mark holders, were awarded the honorary titles of the Head Mastermind, the First Mastermind and the Second Mastermind. Subsequently a green, yellow and brown colored cloak was handed over to each one of them.

To obtain the bright colored cloaks is not an easy task and requires tireless effort and hard work. However, the privilege of wearing the cloak compensates for the hard work and makes it all worthwhile in obtaining the highest mark. In accordance with the 420 item of the constitution of the country, owners of those cloaks are entitled the following judicial rights.   

·         The brown colored cloak owner is entitled to carry out of the country every month one million Us Dollars, 5 kg opium (narcotic drugs) and 3 kg lapis lazuli  (laajaward) under his cloak.

·         The yellow colored cloak owner is entitled to carry out of the country every month two million US Dollars, 10kg opium (narcotic drugs) and 6 kg lapis lazuli under his cloak.

The green colored cloak means a green light for committing any illegal action with complete legal immunity, thus being entitled to carry out of the country all possessions and belongings and whatever else that exists in Afghanistan, under his cloak-and- swagger wardrobe.


Translator’s Comment:

The above short article, written in a satirical style, depicts the way the Afghan intellectuals look at the scenario of the presidential elections in Afghanistan. They also contemptuously demonstrate their resentment to the way their homeland is being ruled in the name of democracy and election, under the auspices of foreign military forces.

The three slogans of fighting against Al-Qaheda terrorists and Taliban notorious regime(1), Reconstruction of Afghanistan (2) and Eradication of poppy cultivations (3) still vibrate loudly in the ears and minds of Afghan people since the outset of Karzai’s installment in power, after the 9/11 aftermath.

The safe heavens of terrorists are still consolidated in Pakistan and equally insurgency escalated alarmingly in Afghanistan. Reconstruction of the country with pouring billions of dollars from donating countries was simply curtailed in building some luxurious palaces for the lucky ones.

 In the second round of the so-called presidential election once more after countless discontents over a chaotic and fraudulent election expressed even by the high profile politician and policy makers from the USA and UK again Karzai, with his green billowing cloak emerged triumphant, as an appropriate ally for the west, to fight against corruption in his government.

 Although this time he has strongly promised to fight not against Taliban but to struggle against corruption. He may be somehow successful because he has nothing to do with the construction of Afghanistan, or to be worried about his old friends, Taliban.

Dedicated Afghans who are earnestly thinking about the gloomy situation of their country and how to save her from the current turmoil do not consider Karzai as an elected president. His newly appointed cabinet members are enjoying a busy schedule of inviting their team for a luxurious feast within the green security zone of Wazir Akbar Khan, usually an aristocratic residential place in Kabul.

Afghans believe that Karzai is not an elected president; he is a declared winner by the Independent Election Commission. His new administration suffers from a crisis of credibility, as was iterated by H. Mir, director of the Afghanistan Center for Research and Policy Studies.

In the first presidential election he did not won 10 million votes as he was claiming, therefore,  he did not legitimately have any credibility to run the country so far either.

His first election deception was illustrated, by this author, in an article entitled “Exaggerated Registration Counts, Election Scandal”, published in Ariaye site. Karzai was saying,” This is an exercise of democracy.”  The same scenario was repeated in a different mode under a different slogan and propaganda. Let’s wait for the third election and see who appear as another reliable ally for ruling the devastated Afghanistan for an unknown period.