Clinton 'n' Buddy
Q: What's the difference between Bill Clinton and his dog Buddy?
A: One tries to hump the leg of every woman and the other is a chocolate lab!
Clinton and a lightbulb
Q: How many Bill Clintons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Zero. He only screws interns
Clinton and the Pope
Bill Clinton and the Pope die on the same day, but a mixup in the afterlife paperwork sends them to the wrong places: the Pope goes to hell and Bill goes to heaven. After a couple of days they fix this problem and the Pope gets on the escalator to go to heaven and Bill gets on the other to go to hell. The two pass each other on the way and Bill asks, "How bad was it down there?" The Pope says, "Not that bad, kind of hot and noisy, but I am glad to be going up to heaven now. There's one thing up there I have been looking forward to." Bill asks, "What is that?" The Pope replies, "I want to meet the Virgin Mary." Bill, shakes his head sheepishly and whispers to the Pope, "Too late."
Dear U.S. Citizens,
I have the distinguished honor of being on the committee to raise five million dollars for a monument of Bill Clinton. We originally wanted to put him on Mt. Rushmore until we discovered there was not enough room for two more faces.
We then decided to erect a statue of Bill Clinton in the Washington, DC Hall of Fame. However, we were in a quandary as to where the statue should be placed. It did not seem proper to place it beside the statue of George Washington, who never told a lie, or beside Jesse Jackson, who never told the truth, since Bill Clinton could never tell the difference.
We finally decided to place it beside Christopher Columbus, the greatest Democrat of them all. He left not knowing where he was going, did not know where he was, returned not knowing where he had been, and did it all on someone else's money.
If you are one of the fortunate people who has anything left after paying taxes, we will expect a generous contribution to this worthwhile project.
The Monument Committee
Time magazine sent a survey to women in Arkansas, asking for their opinions on the Clinton Sex Scandal. One of the questions: Would you ever have an affair with Bill Clinton? The results were staggering!
5% - No
3% - Yes
92% - Never Again
Clinton's Safe Sex
What's Bill Clinton's definition of safe sex?
When Hillary's out of town!
Chelsea had the most exciting news. She burst into the room shouting, "Dad! Mom! I have some great news! Nick asked me to marry him. He is like the biggest hunk in Washington. We are supposed to get married next month.
Bill took Chelsea in the back and said, "Chelsea, you're mother, although an ideal administrator and public speaker, has never had much to offer in the sack, so, as you might have heard, I have been known to fool around with other ladies on occassion. Your boyfriend Nick happens to be the product of one of my love making sessions. He is my son and thusly, he is your half-brother."
Chelsea ran out of the office screaming, "Not another brother!"
She rushed to her mother's side, telling her about her all about dad's shameful behavior and how every man she dated turns out to be one of her father's illegitimate sons.
Hillary began to laugh and said, "Don't pay any attention to him. He isn't really your father anyway."